Suggestions for corporate voice mail

Businesses: If you want to keep me, the customer, happy, consider these suggestions. They all really boil down to the same thing -- speed it up. But here are some specifics.
  1. Talk faster.
  2. Do not inform me to listen carefully as your menu has changed. If this is the first time I'm calling, as it usually is, then I've never heard your menu options before, let alone developed a habit of punching in numbers in advance. And if I'm a returning customer doing so, then I'll easily find out your menu has changed when I find myself listening to more questions from the wrong area, and I'll just try again. Better to waste the time of an occasional instance like that than to waste everyone's time every single time they call.
  3. Do not include useless extra submenus that have only one option ("press 1"). Just pass through to the meat of the issue.
  4. Do not entreat me to visit your web site. If I'm calling you, it's usually because I already tried your web site and something wasn't working correctly. And you irritate me more and more the longer your web address is, pausing after every dot and slash, after every careful and slowly-enunciated word (or worse, spelling) in the URL.
Sure, there's more, but these are the only things annoying me right now.


Anonymous said...

Agreed. And I hate when you finally push the option to talk to an operator and it says "hold on while I transfer you to an operator", followed by two extremely loud beeps that hurt your ear. Why do we need to hear beeps? They should keep the beeps to themselves. Or how about when the operator finally answers and says some kind of canned speech like "how can I offer you great customer service today?". Idiots, I hear there is a website called something like "reach-a-human.com" where they tell you what buttons to push to get to a person.


Shawn said...

Yeah, I've heard those beeps. They're not on every system, but I've heard them here and there. I wonder if those beeps are actually a code that we could punch in at any time to bypass the system? Recordings of phone beeps work just as well as your phone generating them, if you've every tried it. Though why would they need to actually record the sound of the beeps instead of going through their own computer programming? So maybe that's not the real reason.